Bathing Booty
May 7, 2008
Feast your eyes on my new swimdress!
Okay, that's not really my swimdress. This photo was taken nearly 40 years before I was born. But you get the idea.
It's a good thing that swimskirts, swimshorts and swimdresses are all the rage among the non-senior-citizen set this summer because I am all about coverage, especially of the upper thighs and the gluteus maximus, medius, and minimus--all of the gluteusses.
And of the upper arms.
Unfortunately, I just can't tolerate wearing a wetsuit to the neighborhood pool when it's 98 degrees outside and the humidity is at 100 percent.
But I think these swim togs for conservative Mormons are a little much, even for me.
Oh, the layers! Just looking at her is making me sticky. At least nobody sees her cellulite. Ever.
Since flab looks better when it's tanned and I don't "do" melanomas, I'm slathering my lilly white legs with this L'Oreal Sublime Glow Daily Moisturizer.
At first, I thought it merely made them look jaundiced, but then an acquaintance said, "Looks like you got some color!"
For the record, I was never translucent. But I totally took that as a compliment.
10:05PM • Comments (9)
Rock On Keyboard Girl
May 3, 2008
What have I been up to? Watching this YouTube vid, that's what. And now you're going to watch it. Because she's a 10 year old Japanese girl rocking out Kansas' 1976 hit, "Carry On Wayward Son."
Is the applause at the end pathetic or what? I'm practically giving her a standing O at my kitchen table! This is what YouTube was invented for, people. (This and for catching the individual American Idol performances I missed.)
For Mother's Day, I want that Yamaha keyboard and somebody to teach me how to play piano. I can see it now. My recital song will be Billy Preston's 1975 hit, "Nothing from Nothing" (featured below).
I'm not sure what I dig most--the funk or the 'fro.
11:05AM • Comments (9)
Weather Rorschach
Apr 25, 2008
Maybe I'm just hungry, but I'm pretty sure the forecast calls for bacon and eggs!
7:04PM • Comments (8)
Weird or Random?
Apr 13, 2008
Cheryl at Twinfatuation was so kind as to tag me for a meme. I'm not great at tagging other bloggers, so if you want to participate, do. Then leave a comment and let me know that you did.
Here are the official rules (which I broke):
1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
Following are EIGHT (because I can't count) weird or random facts about me. You can decide which is which:
1. I absolutely cannot touch cotton balls. The sensation is akin to the feeling you get when fingernails are dragged down a chalkboard. If I open a new bottle of vitamins, I need either a pair of tweezers to pull them out or someone else to do it for me. (My husband finds this amusing and thinks it’s fun to torment with a wad of cotton. It really isn’t.)
2. I love margaritas--on the rocks, no salt. I also enjoy amaretto sours, cosmopolitans and trendy martinis. But I've never been drunk, and I don't really feel like I'm missing out.
3. Currently, the most frequently played song on my iPod is "The General Specific" by Band of Horses. This live performance makes me want to dance around my kitchen, banging cooking utensils:
4. My noggin is large. Apparently, I'm in the 98th percentile for women. (My husband and Bugaboo are in the 100th percentile!) By contrast, my ears are small. Sadly, I'm not a girl who can wear her hair behind her ears. But I don't look as weird as this sounds. I hope.
5. I like to buy beautiful journals and blank books. But then I don’t want write in them and mess them up.
6. My husband and I once ran into Muhammad Ali and his wife in a hallway following a media event I organized on Ali's behalf. No one else was around. My husband shook Ali's hand and complimented him. Ali didn't speak, of course, but he smiled and play-boxed with my husband. I did my best deer-in-headlights impersonation, said nothing, and pretty much hid behind my husband. I still regret that.
7. Recently, I was dismissed from jury duty after telling the plaintiff’s personal-injury lawyer who advertises on television that I have a bias against personal-injury lawyers who advertise on television. But I didn’t once call her an “ambulance chaser.”
8. For the life of me, I have never understood Gloria Estefan’s popularity. I guess the rhythm didn’t get me after all.
2:04PM • Comments (10)
Surcie Launches Snack Attack
Mar 22, 2008
See this bag?
It's all that remains of the Farmland Cheddar-flavored Flat Earth Baked Veggie Crisps I bought yesterday. As Bugaboo would say, they’re “doowishes!”
I don’t think I’ve seen butterflies on a bag of chips before. Obviously, these snacks were lovingly baked by an indie company with young employees and green manufacturing practices. Polishing off the rest of the chips is my own little way of supporting their mission to promote world peace.
No, I can’t be certain that they’re offsetting their carbon footprint or that their employees are free thinkers with a concern for social justice. But one can assume a lot based on package design and the word “veggie,” right?
Right. Until you turn the bag over and see, in small print, the words FRITO-LAY, INC.
Come to think of it, this “farmland cheddar” stuff tastes an awful lot like Doritos’ nacho cheese.
I’m pretty sure Frito-Lay means “laced with meth” in a foreign language. Remember their classic slogan, “No one can eat just one”?
That explains the orange fingers.
12:03PM • Comments (13)
Spelling Spills
Mar 13, 2008
I just watched an interview with Tori Spelling on CNN. She’s hawking a new autobiographical tell-all in which she dishes on the cast of "90210" and the drama with her mama.
Tori notoriously cheated on her previous husband with her current husband, actor Dean McDermott*, who left his wife after knowing Tori just three weeks. The interviewer wanted to know whether Tori “ever stopped to think about the damage she was doing not only to her marriage but to her now-husband’s marriage.”
Tori answered, “I found my soul mate, and I couldn't deny love, so what was I supposed to do?”
By all means, rip the dolt away from his devoted wife, little boy, and newly-adopted baby girl!
Actually, the skankiness of the situation isn’t what irked me about this interview. Rather, it was Tori’s frequent use of the idiom, “at the end of the day.”
She said, “At the end of the day, people were going to get hurt,”
and,
“At the end of the day, I have to believe when something's meant to be, it's meant to be, and when it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be,”
and,
“At the end of the day, it's not just one person that's responsible for people being estranged.”
I don’t have anything against clichés, really. I just don’t think you should use the same one repeatedly within a span of two minutes when you’re giving an interview. In the future, Tori ought to consider trying “when all is said and done,” or “ultimately,” or “after all,” or even “in the final analysis.”
Sheesh, at the end of the day, Tori sure gets deep. By contrast, I try to get Bugaboo to go to bed with nary a whine. Next, I stretch out on the sectional with my husband and eat a vanilla Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich (maybe two). And if I’m lucky, Bravo is airing a new episode of "Top Chef," "The Real Housewives of New York City," or "Workout." I spend the remaining hour in bed, sleeping.
It’s not very glamorous, but at the end of the day, nobody gets hurt.
*Thanks, Suzy!9:03PM • Comments (11)
